The Surrealist Worker : Here is the News

Issue number 2

Installed: 01-6-2000

News Desk

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Enlightening stories culled from the worlds press. All of the following have genuinely been published at some time.

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James [...] was bitten by a spider on the head while on holiday with his parents at Wamleral, near Gosford on the Central Coast. The spider, believed to be in a track suit, bit the boy while he was dressing.

An 18 year old girl accused of stealing a jar of vanishing cream has since disappeared, Huddersfield magistrates were told yesterday.

A PC who filled his patrol car mistakenly with diesel expected a reprimand back at Banbury nick. Instead, his Inspector said "accidents happen" and let him have a diesel car which he then filled with petrol.

A 17 year old boy died in the New Plymouth Hospital as a result of injuries recieved in a car crash at Inglewood. He was Rex Manton, who died less than two hours after the accident. His condition was reported tonight to be satisfactory.

A lion was badly mauled in Intra, Italy, yesterday by a woman who escaped from her kitchen.

A skeleton discovered with a knife stuck in its ribs is believed by pathologists to be at least 3700 years old. A police spokesman said that it was unlikely that a suspect would be found.

Following promotion for Phil Constable and Steve Sergeant of Winchester Police, Constable Constable is now Sergeant Constable, and Sergeant Sergeant is now Inspector Sergeant.

Commenting on a complaint from Mr Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said "we agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible that Mr Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that blew his house to pieces."

12 year old Roger Catchpole was granted a shotgun licence this summer, and learnt the safe use of a gun from his grandmother, Joan Catchpole, 78, who frequently shoots herself.

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Know of any stories from your area? send them in to .

	James [...] was bitten by a spider on the head while on holiday with his parents at Wamleral, near Gosford on the Central Coast. The spider, believed to be in a track suit, bit the boy while he was dressing.
	An 18 year old girl accused of stealing a jar of vanishing cream has since disappeared, Huddersfield magistrates were told yesterday.
	A PC who filled his patrol car mistakenly with diesel expected a reprimand back at Banbury nick. Instead, his Inspector said "accidents happen" and let him have a diesel car which he then filled with petrol.
	A 17 year old boy died in the New Plymouth Hospital as a result of injuries recieved in a car crash at Inglewood. He was Rex Manton, who died less than two hours after the accident. His condition was reported tonight to be satisfactory.
	A lion was badly mauled in Intra, Italy, yesterday by a woman who escaped from her kitchen.
	A skeleton discovered with a knife stuck in its ribs is believed by pathologists to be at least 3700 years old. A police spokesman said that it was unlikely that a suspect would be found.
	Following promotion for Phil Constable and Steve Sergeant of Winchester Police, Constable Constable is now Sergeant Constable, and Sergeant Sergeant is now Inspector Sergeant.
	Commenting on a complaint from Mr Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said "we agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible that Mr Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that blew his house to pieces."
	12 year old Roger Catchpole was granted a shotgun licence this summer, and learnt the safe use of a gun from his grandmother, Joan Catchpole, 78, who frequently shoots herself.