Issue number 4

Installed: 01-8-2000

News Desk

Enlightening stories culled from the worlds press. All of the following have genuinely been published at some time.

	A man who hit his wife with a frozen squirrel has been jailed by California Police. Kau Kai Seffan, 26, took several squirrels from his freezer during an argument, his wife told officers in Sacramento. When she walked into the kitchen, her husband swung the squirrels at her and hit her on the head. She fell against a table and suffered a gash above her eye. Police could not immediately say why the squirrels were in the freezer.
	Lecturer Richard Snowdon, 43, missing from his home in Bath, Somerset, has been found dead in a local cemetery.
	Two railway workers, station inspector and a porter, one 63, the other 61, are being sent to a "charm school" to learn how to deal with passengers. It is part of British Railways' brighter and better vice campaign.
	There's more to being an MP's wife than just attending coffee mornings and opening fetes, as I discovered when I called on Mrs Betty Harrison, wife of Maldon MP Mr Brian Harrison, at Copford Hall, her very English home in the midst of the Essex countryside. Mrs Harrison is friendly, likeable and easy to talk to. Her dark hair is attractively set, and she has fine fair skin, which she admits ruefully, comes out in "a mass of freckles" at the first hint of sin. Her husband is away in London from Monday to Thursday most weeks.
	Magistrates act to keep theatres open.
	Overcrowding is so bad in the village school at Cefn Mawr, near Wrexham, that a class takes its lessons in the lavatory. A Denbighshire education official said yesterday: "the children will not have to endure conditions like this for long. A new £700 toilet block is to be built."
	The judge said: "There was a succession of boy-friends. Each time she would trundle her bed into the kitchen, shut the door and remain there for a substantial time. "Then the man would leave, and she would trundle the bed back in the bedroom and go to sleep. It must have been embarrassing to this husband. "It is possible she just wanted to sit and chat to the boy-friends and took the bed in because of the lack of furniture." said the judge.
	Weather checks: There was less weather than usual last month.
	Classifieds
	Qualified driving instructor in your car, £8 pre hour. Cars repaired - Bradford-on-Avon.
	Cheerful lady companion required in Bath - See Domestic Situations Vacant.
	Secretary Wanted: Spiritual healer requires secretary to help cope with large male. Must be good at composing letters. Top salary to right person.

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